Today I cannot concentrate on anything, and somehow my mood is really bad. On the day like this, from my experience, I know I should not meet anyone and I should stay in my room.

In the morning, I was just lying on the bed, waiting for this really messy mood to go away, but this never happened. My body aches a lot, and I took painkillers but they haven’t worked well.

I got a message from my friend this morning. She said I must be suffering from something, and my body should ache, which is correct actually, and she also wrote, don’t take any painkillers and don’t drink any alcohol, which somehow made me feel like taking them   Whenever someone asks me to not do something, I strongly feel like doing “it”   I know she is some kind of psychic or medium or whatever, but I was just like, fuck it! She is a really nice person, though. Even though I try not to believe anything related to astrology because of my ex-friend who hurt me a lot because of it, I sincerely care about what she advises me to do usually because I believe in her and I know she really cares about me. According to her, it´s almost full moon or something, and because I am deeply affected by the moon (she says my dominant planets are Neptune, Moon, and Mercury), I must suffer from 5th to 8th of November, which I partly have to agree, because my brain hasn’t just worked appropriately recently. She advised me about everything based on astrology, which makes me somehow irritated only because of what I had with my ex-friend who was into astrology. I prefer scientific things to astrological things, but if my friends who deeply care about me are into astrology, then at least I try to understand them, because they, I mean, my friends,  are really important for me, and well, as for some things about me, I am surprised to know that they are correct. Anyway, here in Europe, astrology is something very popular? In our German class, someone chose astrology for her or his presentation to make. Luckily, our teacher declined it

At least in Europe, it seems astrology is something really important. In Japan, I think it’s a blood type, which I totally do not believe. My blood type is A, but people always think my blood type is O, which is totally wrong, and which is a proof that this blood type thing is a shit.  However, as for astrology, I have met people who said to me, “you were born in the middle or late February, right?”  many times….. which has been creepy somehow… which makes me somewhat open to those “who are into astrology”…

It seems there is a software or website that calculates your natal chart. According to my friends (they don’t know each other, but somehow they reached the same result), I am Pisces-dominant, even though I am Aquarius (sun sign). According to them, there are many plants other than sun to consider about. Anyway, they calculate so-called aspects (? I don´t know what they are exactly :P), and they got my planets… from all of them, they reached the same conclusion…

1. I should be careful about taking drugs
2. I should be careful about drinking alcohol
3. I should be careful about delusion

As for 1, hmmm how??? I mean, I have taken medicine almost since I was born, and taking medicine is my daily activity… how should I be careful about them??? Yes, I have to admit that sometimes I take them too much and drink alcohol at the same time, and sometimes this makes me feel like flying but so what? Harmless!! and I don’t know the life living without any medicine. I am not addicted to any of them but I need them, because of my allergies.

As for 2, yes, I know I should be careful about alcohol. I am a very forgetful person and sometimes I forgot taking strong medicine for my allergies in the morning, and I drink alcohol and I get really high or low, but so what? I won’t kill anyone because of this. It would be I who would suffer from this.

As for 3, hmmm, yes. They mean delusion of a person or a situation.. and yes, sometimes… but I think it is not because I have Neptune in 7th house as they say, but because I easily believe in someone or some situation, and sometimes I have a bad sleep, that’s all   but they say it is because of Neptune in 7th house… I don’t know what that means, but it’s about delusion?  and My friends sometimes say that my chart is similar to Kurt Cobain but oh, please don’t say that! It’s not so weird because his birthday is one week later than my birthday.. and maybe it’s just a coincidence! I think if your birthday is close to someone’s, then the birth chart might resemble???

They said, including my ex-friend who was into astrology, that my exs should have been born under water signs. And it was correct! 3 of them were Scorpio, more precisely, they were born in November, and the rest was Pisces.. but so what? maybe it’s just a coincidence? They all advised me to become friends with air signs like Libra, Gemini and Aquarius, but I have none around me at the moment LOL Like, my mother was Pisces and my father is Capricorn but they went well (or at least they didn’t get divorced). I guess signs are not so important for marriage!!!!

I regard something emotional and mental as more important than astrological stuff..

If he can accept me what I am and I can accept him what he is, then we can be together, I think.

I would instantly decide to get married or I would think , ohhhh he must be the one for me, if he knows this quote and who wrote this LOL ;

This is one of my favorite quotes and, well, I have never met someone who knows this quote, where, I mean, which book you can find this, and who wrote this quote so far. Ohhh this way of thinking is a proof that I am a Pisces dominant according to my friends, but I don’t care!!! LOL

Recently I have had dreams in which someone holds me tight from behind. In Japan, it is said this dreams means something really good I hope something good will happen to me, or at least to my family

38% of alcohol is not that much to me, but it’s almost empty, and if I tell my friends about this, how would they react???? hahahahaha!!! With some anti-histamine, painkillers and alcohol with good music, I feel like I am in a heaven now hmmm I need someone to control me, just like my astrologist friends tells me??? Because I am a Pisces-dominant, I like to escape from the reality with alcohol and stuff like that, and I need someone who controls me… that’s what they sometimes say to me.. but I think I can control myself!!!  haha!!! I am OK with myself!

When I was younger, I drank a lot very often, I even took some exams with alcohol, and maybe this was a typical Pisces-dominant/Aquarius person’s behaviour, but not anymore.  I matured.!!! Hell yeah!!!!

Hmm I miss my mother a lot. ONLY SHE understood me very well. She often said that we are quite similar.. When she was young, she drank a looooot, for example. She was sometimes advised to use some drugs by her friends when she was in Yokohama (at that time,  methamphetamine was very popular among those young boys and girls who had problems) but she refused all of them. She was also, according to my friends, Pisces-dominant, but she was very brave. I also want to become like her. Whenever I became nervous, she gave me good words.. .. I really miss her… I really really miss her.. I didn’t want her to die so young…at the age of 52! Usually, Japanese women die at the age of more than 80!!! She died so young! F–k! She should have lived more!!!! She should have met my future husband! She had something to do for me and my family!!!

Only she could notice that I became nervous or I was about to reach the limit. Whenever that happened, she kindly said to me, “Hey, you need some good sleep. You are so sensitive to everything, but actually there is nothing you have to worry about. All you need is good sleep. Everything will go fine, I know. I will take care of everything. You don’t have to worry about anything. Just sleep tight.”

Just after her death, I couldn’t handle myself very well ,and drank too much, had too much escape… but not anymore…. I am very thankful to Austria for bringing me the right situation. Sometimes changing the situation, I mean, where you are, is good for you.

I know I need someone that can say like what my mom used to say to me. I need someone who are strong enough to advise me to do the better things… I know I am, sometimes or often, very stubborn and this is something it is difficult for you to change if you are mentally or emotionally weaker than me LOL because I know I am sometimes stupidly very stubborn LOL

Hmm I don’t know whether it is music that makes me feel like flying or it is schnapps that make me feel like floating…. haha!!

Actually I wanted to write my favorite actors today..

My favorite actors are..

• Ethan Hawke
• James McAvoy
• Dennis Franz
• Max Martini
• Christian  Bale
• Robert DeNiro
• Steve McQueen
• Elijah Wood
• Nishida Toshiyuki

and.. I like Nishida Toshiyuki the best  3

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